Sierra Williams
Theme #7 – Free Choice
Silent Moments.
This was not where she wanted to be at all. She had just seen a major thriller with her boyfriend. Kate didn’t like scary movies, even though some events that happened in her life seemed like she was living in one. Kate knew that because she was not by herself at the movies if something happened, she would have someone there to comfort her. Through out the whole movie Kate didn’t say anything, her eyes glued to the movie she wasn’t aware of anything going on except for the movie. She couldn’t move, she was too scared. All of a sudden, she felt her nose drip. She wasn’t sure what it was but she wiped her nose on her hand hoping it would stop, but it didn’t. She held her cell phone over her hand and the light given off allowed her to see that her nose was bleeding. She got up and ran to the bathroom, Kate’s boyfriend, got up behind her and exited the theater. He wasn’t really sure what was going on, but he was surprised to see Kate get up and move around. Kate stopped the nose bleed and came out the bathroom to meet her boyfriend. Kate concluded that the nose bleed happened because of the scary movie she was watching and she got frightened. To Kate’s boyfriend Mark, it seemed like she was always making excuses for everything but this wasn’t the case, Kate really had that feeling in her. Mark decided that the night was pretty much over and he would drop Kate off, he didn’t feel like dealing with her and the bad luck that always seemed to follow Kate around. Mark dropped her off and said a short goodbye. He didn’t take much time to make sure that Kate was okay but she was fine.
As she was walking up the steps to her apartment, her foot slipped and she started to trip up the steps, but she caught herself. She threw her bag on the floor and started breathing heavily. After the door had closed, it really hit what had just happened. Kate will never forget this night. It was a rainy night, and Kate was really tired. She went to the bathroom and washed her face, and then she put on some clothes to lounge in and was relaxing upstairs with her cell phone, a book and the TV remote. She was trying to decide what to occupy herself with. Then her cell phone rang. It was a restricted number that was calling her, and Kate never answers restricted numbers. It rang twice and then stopped. Kate’s phone rang again, this time it was a number she recognized but she still was not going to answer her phone. The reason she decided not to answer it was because it was from someone who she vowed never to talk to again. Kate had many self doubts, but no one was ever going to make her feel that she should doubt herself, but herself. If people were suspicious of her actions than they should speak up, when they notice something. Kate didn’t like being attacked with words. She knew that if she decided to pick up the phone, that is exactly what would happen and that would ruin her night…. As if it hadn’t already been ruined by the embarrassment of frustrating Mark once again.
Kate was going through all of her text messages and the last one was from her friend Sarah. She decided to text Sarah to see what she was up to. Fifteen minutes passed by and that is a long time to wait for someone to respond to a text message. Once she got a response she realized that Sarah just got off of work. Kate invited Sarah over and they ate Pizza. Sarah was glad to get a meal even though she just got off from her job at a restaurant. Kate and Sarah had a lot of catching up to do because they hadn’t hung out in a while. They talked about how there life was going and all there problems. The talked about what plans they had for the future, and a lot of stuff. Kate felt glad that she wasn’t in the room with anyone that was criticizing her, or doubting what she had to offer as a person. While they were having there conversation, they both heard the doorbell ring. It was very unusual because it was two o’clock in the morning. They both got freaked out and didn’t want to answer the door because there was no reason to and they didn’t want to know who was out there. They both thought in there heads what they wanted to do at this point. Kate and Sarah sat on the couch silent, as they waited for maybe somebody to say something. But they heard nothing come from the direction of the door. Sarah being the braver of the two girls walked up to the door but had no intentions of opening it. Clearly whoever was out there heard her footsteps and slid a letter under the door. The person that was outside of apartment complex #666 was just waiting to hear if anybody was home. Sarah picked up the letter which looked like it had been burned at one edge and handed it to Kate.
Kate was in tears at this point, she didn’t have any idea what was going on and why somebody would be ringing her doorbell at 2 in the morning. She took the envelope in her hands looked at who it was addressed from and was tearing it into little pieces so that it was impossible to put back together. Kate knew something Sarah didn’t, but she wasn’t about to share. Sarah was trying to comfort Kate, with what ever was going on. They didn’t say much to each other, and in those silent moments Kate knew Sarah could be trusted, someone she could tell her secrets to.
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I really liked your story it was very suspenseful. I think that you had a good beginning, middle, and end. I also think that your focus was pretty good! It could flow a little better but for the rough draft it was good. I think that the end is good because it makes you keep thinking about it, instead of just saying what happens to her.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh your story was really suspenseful! I know that michelle just said that in the previous comment but its true! I was definitely a little freaked out for kate at some points in the story and didn't know what was going to happen to her. I really like the layout of your theme and it was very organized and that is an important aspect of your writing. The end of your story was very good and it was a clever way to end your writing... it just kind of left the readers hanging and made them think about what they just read. Good job with your rough draft!
ReplyDeleteWow your story is really suspenseful. Throughout the story the story I could sense something was wrong with Kate and that she wasn’t going to share it with anyone. I really want to know what happened to her before, why is she so scarred all the time. The flow of the story is really nice and there are not any choppy parts.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I enjoyed reading you short story. You stayed on task, on focus, and you had great organmization. The flow was really nice. Your conventions really added to you story. I really like it, it was a great story! Congradulations!
ReplyDeletethis is an excellent story and i minus well use the word suspensful like everybody else. but it was really good and though id rather hear what the secret is, it adds to the suspense. the end was the strongest part but it was very good all over.
ReplyDelete